Congratulations to humiliations.

Today was my first experience group-driving with the instructor for Driver's education.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Driver's ed? It sucked, right? But you all survived and haven't actually put anyone under cardiac arrest with your driving abilities, correct?

Well, that's what I thought too. As long as I don't kill anyone and pay close attention to my sexist, controlling and ultimately terrifying driving instructor, then I will live and get my license and everything will be all right. Wrong. That was definitely the wrong thing to be thinking, seeing the events that shortly followed.

I arrive at 7:00 a.m., only to find that my driving group had been whittled down to me and one other girl. In a car. With said instructor. And I was the one who was first to drive. I should have taken the fact that I didn't know where the car adjustment lever was as a bad sign, {it was actually button controlled electronically. WHAT IS THIS TECHNOLOGY?!?!} but I continued to remain calm and suck up as much as possible, all while not showing my vulnerability.

Ten minutes or so into driving, I was hit by the pressure. I took the turns too slow! I wasn't braking! Slowly, the instructor started to raise his voice more and more over the most petty mistakes: "THREE FOOT AIR CUSHION AND IDENTIFY THE RIGHT-OF-WAY!! How can you not understand that, girl?!?! What kind of stupid excuse is that?!" and many other insults followed, escalating to the point where he was literally yelling at me and I was bawling. I had talked to my dear friend Nicky the week before about it, and she told me an experience that she had with the same instructor in which she was also near-crying, and she just kept telling herself that she could not let this man win.

Today, he won. I showed my vulnerability and he used it to completely crush my defensive wall. He made me pull over and get in the back seat. I honestly have never felt as completely worthless and humiliated as I did today. Luckily, the girl in my group was very sweet and tried to awkwardly tell me that I did a good job. It didn't work, but I tried to remain nice.

Then, when sitting in the back seat, I could not gain my composure. I was so embarrassed and I felt so stupid, and all I could do was pray that I would stop crying.

I have to drive again tomorrow morning. And you know what I'm going to do? Show absolutely no emotion. I'm not going to suck up to him. I don't care anymore. I'm just going in and sit there and listen for instructions and not show any emotion. No more crying again. I'll show him that to me he means nothing, and he can't bring me down again. No sir. {Ironically, that "don't bring me down... BRUCE..." song was playing on the radio while I was having an emotional break down!}

also, this experience is another big red stamp in the "I hate men" book. Needless to say, he is not helping improve his gender's case.

And, since I don't like not including art in my posts, here's a recent self-cartoon on the tablet!

Have fun today, kids. Meanwhile, I'll go roll up into the fetal position in the corner.

-Lex

That's what we're waiting for,

Aren't we?

Danger Button

Local band, Danger Button, recently asked me if I would design a logo/ t-shirts for them. Here's what I came up with, though I'm still working on a few others until they settle on one they like the best.

The logo pre-scanning and photoshop is below. Nothing but pen and pencil.
The logo post levels adjustment, lens flare, a few touch-ups on the tablet, and a bit of coloring.

Now here's the logo post levels, lens flare, coloring, and filter.

{To be completely honest, I really have no idea what I'm doing or how to properly use photoshop.}

{SOMEDAY I WILL BE PRO... JUST YOU WAIT.}

-Lex

Because it is summertime

• I am getting chickens.


• I am becoming a pescatarian [Or, as Ethan would say, Vegequarian]. {I don't eat meat. Only fish.}


• I am dying part of my hair pink.


• I go to movies with Rin like X-Men first class and LOVE them.


• I plan my friends' summertime romances.


• Super stoked chill with Bobby and Jimstah in the studio on Thursday.


• I am helping my dog Wubby lose five pounds, while I lose ten. {ha.}


• I do online classes.


• .... Plus it's almost Go Skateboarding Day!!! And the Far-Mar starts in two weeks!
  

It's going to be great.

Perfect song for the best summer yet. What are your summer plans? Drop a line!

-lex

My feelings towards Girls' Camp...

I hate Girls' Camp. My mother {as of yesterday morning} is forcing me to go this year. That means tomorrow. So, I had a little fun and drew on my camp list. Here's a close-up of the picture I drew of my attempted suicide.
Just look at that entry wound! Ka-chow! And now, the photo-shopped version.

I dig the lack of detail. You know what else I dig? My brain. Which, in this picture, is becoming decapitated.

Have a good week, kids. And enjoy this song and music video. {PS: I LOVE VIMEO}

Sea Change "Little One" from Beck Hansen on Vimeo.

-Lex

NOTE: I DO NOT hate my leaders, especially the ever-wonderful Wendy and Karla, but I hate the idea of camp and camp itself.

The opportunity train is at the station...

And I don't think I want to jump on it now. I'm tired and confused and the leap seems wrong. The conductor is waving and tipping his little cap, but I shake my head and hesistantly fumble for my ticket. I waited for a very long time for the opportunity train, but I wonder if I should just take the bus instead.

I worked hard for that ticket. I denied the ticket. Somehow, the ticket was all I thought it would amount to.

I forgot about the train, and now it is here.

What do I do?

I'm afraid.

-Lex

The year was 2008...

{picture courtesy of Entertainment Weekly}

...And I was at a family reunion. I read and re-read this issue of entertainment weekly many times. And when I got home, I ripped out this picture. Is that what started my Beck obsession? I don't know. But you can all expect more Beck posts in the near future.... He's comfort music. And pretty much anytime music. Plus it helps me get my mind off of the end of school. And Stuff.

It's also not a good thing I found all these Beck websites. I'm going to end up doing absolutely nothing this summer.

The Becktionary

1000 Beats Per Minute

The Horse Unbridled

Hamless

I'm annoying. Sorry.

-Lexi of the past

KC Mckay

My dearest KC Mckay. Graphite and white Prismacolor on newsprint. I apologize for the glare on this one. Newsprint tends to have a sheen to it, and the graphite on top of that just equals disaster. Also, the paper ripples and yellows super easily. So, as a lesson to you all, don't do drawings on newsprint. I wish I didn't like the smoothness so much... Also, I'm doing a watercolor/pen project using this same picture. Really, this picture just started out as practice for the painting....

KC did a gorgeous oil painting of me, and this was sort of a thank you/ I'm seriously going to miss you on your mission gift. I'll put pictures of the oil painting up soon. Love ya, Kace.

-Lexi