Congratulations to humiliations.

Today was my first experience group-driving with the instructor for Driver's education.

Now, I know what you are thinking. Driver's ed? It sucked, right? But you all survived and haven't actually put anyone under cardiac arrest with your driving abilities, correct?

Well, that's what I thought too. As long as I don't kill anyone and pay close attention to my sexist, controlling and ultimately terrifying driving instructor, then I will live and get my license and everything will be all right. Wrong. That was definitely the wrong thing to be thinking, seeing the events that shortly followed.

I arrive at 7:00 a.m., only to find that my driving group had been whittled down to me and one other girl. In a car. With said instructor. And I was the one who was first to drive. I should have taken the fact that I didn't know where the car adjustment lever was as a bad sign, {it was actually button controlled electronically. WHAT IS THIS TECHNOLOGY?!?!} but I continued to remain calm and suck up as much as possible, all while not showing my vulnerability.

Ten minutes or so into driving, I was hit by the pressure. I took the turns too slow! I wasn't braking! Slowly, the instructor started to raise his voice more and more over the most petty mistakes: "THREE FOOT AIR CUSHION AND IDENTIFY THE RIGHT-OF-WAY!! How can you not understand that, girl?!?! What kind of stupid excuse is that?!" and many other insults followed, escalating to the point where he was literally yelling at me and I was bawling. I had talked to my dear friend Nicky the week before about it, and she told me an experience that she had with the same instructor in which she was also near-crying, and she just kept telling herself that she could not let this man win.

Today, he won. I showed my vulnerability and he used it to completely crush my defensive wall. He made me pull over and get in the back seat. I honestly have never felt as completely worthless and humiliated as I did today. Luckily, the girl in my group was very sweet and tried to awkwardly tell me that I did a good job. It didn't work, but I tried to remain nice.

Then, when sitting in the back seat, I could not gain my composure. I was so embarrassed and I felt so stupid, and all I could do was pray that I would stop crying.

I have to drive again tomorrow morning. And you know what I'm going to do? Show absolutely no emotion. I'm not going to suck up to him. I don't care anymore. I'm just going in and sit there and listen for instructions and not show any emotion. No more crying again. I'll show him that to me he means nothing, and he can't bring me down again. No sir. {Ironically, that "don't bring me down... BRUCE..." song was playing on the radio while I was having an emotional break down!}

also, this experience is another big red stamp in the "I hate men" book. Needless to say, he is not helping improve his gender's case.

And, since I don't like not including art in my posts, here's a recent self-cartoon on the tablet!

Have fun today, kids. Meanwhile, I'll go roll up into the fetal position in the corner.

-Lex