Social....eliteness? {An illustrated guide}

Yesterday I dweebishly finished reading...um...er...Watchmen.... as in..the nerdy superhero graphic novel... And while I was lying in bed last night, I realized just how much of a nerd I have really become, whether or not I actually like to admit it. You see, here's how my brain works.. You see, I'm sitting there in all of my nerdiness, reading none other than...Watchmen.... thinking about watching Muppet Treasure Island and having a Diablo 2 and Doctor Who marathon with my cousin the next day. My brain sees absolutely nothing wrong with this. My brain is drinking a Dr. Pepper while thinking of news items to add to her "The Killers" shrine. There's nothing wrong with that, right?
WRONG. There's a knock on the door. And that knock belongs to coolness. Then my brain goes into hyper-drive. I quickly try to cleanse the nerd. Hide the nerd. PURGE THE NERD!! Because, in all actuality, I'm not even cool enough to be accepted by cool people, and I'm not nerdy enough to be accepted by nerds.

I think the technical term for that is POSER. Which, I admit I am. {And no, not to worry, I wouldn't actually RIP a Doctor Who poster. sheesh. I have respect. }

So, now the nerd is concealed. Sure, my nerdiness has built up gradually over time, but I believe it is only peaking now. If you would have asked me a year ago if I would even come remotely close to reading a graphic novel, you would have been met with the reply "Heavens, no. Do you honestly think I would stoop to that in my fine and cool glory?" Well, kids. Here I am. Reaching new depths of self pity.

Then coolness arrives and I am expected to be cool. People think I'm cool, people expect me to be cool because I'm an "art kid" or whatever. But, honestly, I'm not cool. I'm a nerd that isn't nerdy enough to be accepted by nerds so I try and cover that up to seem cool. Yes, I own the entire series of Invader Zim on dvd and yes I have watched it so many times that I can quote it. precisely. So, when put in a situation where I have to seem socially elite and not like I am interested in uncool things, I stumble. Or just remain really,really quiet and try to put in my two cents like I know what I'm doing. {PS: I don't.}

Naturally, I attempt to hide my nerdy side of the brain that is not really nerdy from the cool side. I try to justify it by telling myself it's okay to read graphic novels and watch muppet treasure island. But NO! IT IS NOT JUSTIFIABLE.

I promise I didn't use to be this way. What have I become?

-Lexi